My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
