So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
