i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
