so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
