You made me cry and you don't even care
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
