Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
