i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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