Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
