Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's shark week go big or go home
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
