Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize