Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize