I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
