matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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