Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
