Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
