I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
