Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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