Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
