Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
