just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
