i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
