my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
