Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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