He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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