Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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