i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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