Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
