Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
