Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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