Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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