If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
