there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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