batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
