$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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