Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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