As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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