How'd it feel making her break her religion?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
