He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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