We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize