i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
