false alarm. still invincible.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
