I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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