you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
