I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
