Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
