i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
