also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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