i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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