i just wanna soil my oats bro
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
