This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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