I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
