I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
