I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
