I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
