Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
