y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When did angry sex become our thing?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
