there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
