My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
