Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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