Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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