she was so not down for the gang bang
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
