Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
