You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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