he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
