I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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