My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
